- Sarah-Jayne Harrison
- Jun 24
- 3 min read
Many of us carry an underlying belief that we are somehow not good enough. This feeling often
fuels a relentless need to get everything right, to avoid mistakes, and to strive for perfection.
The problem is that perfection is an impossible standard. Yet when we believe we must achieve it, a whole range of uncomfortable emotions can emerge:
Fear of disappointing others
People-pleasing in search of validation
Embarrassment
Vulnerability
Shame
Fear of rejection
Feeling judged
Frustration
Jealousy of others who appear to "have it all together"
Insecurity
Feelings of inadequacy
Feeling exposed
These emotions can be exhausting to carry. They often shape our decisions, relationships, and how we see ourselves.
The problems with perfectionism
1. We cannot control other people's feelings
Many of us worry about disappointing others, but we are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotions. What disappoints one person may not disappoint another. Trying to meet every expectation is an impossible task because there is no universal standard that pleases everyone.
2. People-pleasing often leads to resentment
When we constantly prioritise others' needs over our own, we may eventually feel hurt or resentful when that same care is not returned. Seeking validation through pleasing others rarely creates lasting fulfilment.
3. Mistakes are essential for growth
If we avoid mistakes at all costs, we also avoid learning. Growth comes through trial and error. The longer someone avoids making mistakes, the less opportunity they have to build resilience. Learning something new can become more uncomfortable when we're not used to getting things wrong. Resilience develops when we allow ourselves to learn, adapt, and sometimes get things wrong.
4. Perfection leaves little room for flexibility
Relationships thrive on understanding, compromise, and acceptance. Perfectionism can make us rigid, creating unrealistic expectations for ourselves and those around us.
5. Jealousy pulls us away from ourselves
When we compare ourselves to others and assume they are doing everything perfectly, jealousy can take hold. Often, this comparison separates us from our own values, strengths, and self-respect.
6. Insecurity can fuel anxiety
The constant feeling of not measuring up can create ongoing anxiety, keeping us trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and overthinking.
The truth about who we are
The truth is that we are not defined solely by our insecurities, fears, or imperfections.
We are also:
Kind
Creative (yes, every one of us has creativity somewhere within us)
Playful
Successful in our own ways
Courageous
Loving
Free to choose, even when we don't like the options available to us
Curious
Curiosity is especially important.
Curiosity can only exist in a space where we do not have all the answers. If everything were perfect, there would be nothing left to discover, learn, or explore. To be perfect would mean knowing exactly what to say, exactly what to do, exactly how to act, and exactly how to please everyone all the time.
That isn't growth. That's impossibility.
A different perspective on difficult feelings
Many of the emotions we fear are actually temporary experiences rather than permanent states.
Embarrassment is fleeting.
Vulnerability often creates the opportunity for growth and connection.
Everyone judges at times; it is part of being human.
Frustration passes.
Feelings come and go. They are a part of us but do not define all of who we are.
Why are we kinder to others than ourselves?
My niece used to say "cumunger" instead of "cucumber."
Nobody laughed at her cruelly. Nobody punished her for getting it wrong. In fact, it was endearing (super cute in fact). We understood she was learning. We knew she would eventually say the word correctly.
And of course she did.
So why do we offer children patience, understanding, and encouragement while giving ourselves criticism, shame, and punishment when we are learning something new?
Perhaps the question isn't why we aren't perfect.
Perhaps the question is: why do we expect ourselves to be?
We are all works in progress. Learning, growing, making mistakes, adapting, and trying again are not signs of inadequacy—they are signs of being human.
